I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
