I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
