I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
