apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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