that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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