I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
