this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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