Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize