I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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