captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
