Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
