hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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