I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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