the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize