i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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