my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
