I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You are a genius and a whore.
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