Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
