dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
