this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
