whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
