my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize