i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
