i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
