I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
