When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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