You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
