I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
