if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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