my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize