it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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