around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
