Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
