And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
