areolas are like halos for boobs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize