theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
