And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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