I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
