Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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