I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
