if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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