Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
