you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
