ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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