so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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