you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
