So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
