My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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