I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
