you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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