I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
