My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
