she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
