I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
