sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize