I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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