its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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