I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Alive.
So much puke
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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