Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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