dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
