At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
