I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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