bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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