I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
