You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
