i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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