Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
