So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
