that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
